Sleeping Beauty

I guess i can really sleep whole day if no need go to work...After having the medication, i eat like pig and i sleep like pig...feel very satisfied if eat a lot and sleep a lot, BUT i also feel super sinful and worried about my sudden piggy figure..sigh...red alert sign now...

Insecurity

SO what Taurusean scared and hate most? Insecurity.Maybe i should just accept my fate, for going thru e same thing again and again till my last breath.What should I do to make myself feel better? If only i regain my health, if not i will depressed to death.

Festive Season

Its e favourite festive season month again. And its a mad mad month, so busy upside down, especially at work, and made me missing my nua-ing days at times. Ok, i will cherish my own personal time more and more from now onwards. Time and tide, wait no man.

There are so many things i want to update here, but i am just too tired these days.
Mum and elder sis visited us at e first week of the month. And its shopping, eating, and shopping days. And paying up 2k plus card bills really marked a new record for me. Erm, its hospital and clinics bills, but i also spend quite a lot recently. Now cracking my head what to buy for my colleagues. Buying gift to gals is like kacang, but buying gifts to guys really make me puzzle! Y my colleagues all guys?

My Xmas wish is having a good good health. Hope it will come true.

Hibernation

I got 2 days MC but seems like i spend most of my times at hospital seeing doc during these two days rather restling. Wasted. So i decided to hibernate for the rest of the weekend.Sigh, the weekend which i like so much now become hibernation period. Damn.

Doc keep asking whether am i too stress which resulted to my current condition. DO i know? I think i won't know? As all these years there are stress everyday, not to mention working for this line. There are always just someone telling me "I want to see the thing NOW, now now now......" Even its fcuk -ing stress, but i already could not differentiate it.

Okie, from bloating, to gastric, to tasteless, to joint pain, to numbness, to constant headahce and migraine...now Break Out..hate pimples! Other than hibernation, no other way to hide myself i guess...Maybe i really need REST~

Bad Health

My health getting worst from day to day, despite visiting numerous clinics and hospitals. Bone like cracking to pain, half body numbness, and i feel so dizzy whenever i never eat on time. The world is like spinning and i feel so so weak to even talk. No coffee, no heaty food. Dying soon.

Bad Day

I have a bad day today, throat not getting better but getting worst. And again, i have scolded those vendors on the phone like they are e most stupid people in the earth! I feel real bad at the end of e day, guilty...I feel i am an evil person and i think everyone in the office is having the same thought. Sighhhhh......i just cannot figure out why i become from bad to worst in scolding people on the phone, or even face to face sometimes, at work. My temper really going haywire these days. Is it the way an old hag behave? Oh my, i know i am going to be an old spinster, but just let me have a relax life k...or least dun make me an evil please~

Migraine

I took panadol this afternoon. And now only i realised there is cafein in panadol. Thts why after i took it, i feel a sudden out of pain and no more worries, i am happy! be it physically or mentally... but it could only last me for 4 hours.e pain is back soon after.
Doctor give me koyok, and asked me to continue take my own panadol.She ask me those same old questions which normal doctor will ask each patient in this scenario...Are u under some stress? Well well...i said "I dunno???"i find tht my work performance really went dwn e hill for 70% since few mths back...Sighhhh...
i think i do have stress, its personal stress....true enuf it is...I am Marshall Teddy...Remember? Headache, pain, then make myself feel better to think everything is all rite and everyone is so nice, thinking coz of certain stupid reasons everyone left, but they meant good for me....Omg...then at another moment trying to brush off these thoughs and hope to accept e cruel facts.... thts y my head is pain~~~~~~~

Sigh....i think i might as well thinking how to paste my koyok later...and where to paste huh??? shoulder? my shoulder ok ley...Paste head? !.!

Headache

HOPE my headache will be gone by tmrw morning! Please pleaseeee......

Wish u happy, mummy

Its Mothers Day today. As usual i am alone in mostly all occassions and its just lonely and lonely. And now i am writing this blog in my dark room, with no lights on, the only thing i could hear was the standing fan was working and eason's voice, chanting with his song on youtube. My head is splitting..getting worse today.. it is so pain non stop. I do not know what could i do. See a doc again? To get painkillers? GOsh..same thing is repeating again and again..am i dying? i have not even solve my current problem yet another pain is coming.

Gone

I am totally gone after lunch.. My mind could not work. I am just another piece of shit in the afternoon. Tired and lazy, and mindless. A zombie?

Shutter Island

Movie Plot
Set in 1954, U.S. Marshal Teddy Daniels (Leonardo DiCaprio) is investigating the disappearance of a murderess whom escaped from a hospital for the criminally insane and is presumed to be hiding on the remote 'Shutter Island'.

I do not want to be Marshal Teddy or shld i said Edward. I am into his dilemma of getting e same pain. And everytime when e pain coming, i choose to create another person in myself. I will think of a lot of excuses or even the whole bullshit story which i assume to be taking place, just to cover the shocking wound in me. I choose to run away from the deepest pain, run away from reality. It happens again and again..non stop. If slapping myself could get me sober for nw and for all, i wish i could slap myself non stop. My headache is killing me frm time to time. I am tired...and i am just so so tired....

Health

I hope i can be healthy again....my only hope for this year